Attitude Resurface

I just don't know where we are going.
I'm at a total loss for words.

On/off I wonder.
Who is this person I am married to?

The day before our trip, I asked the sportsman to sit down and have a talk with me.

Due to some attitude I was getting from him.
I mentioned that in general he seemed to be a unhappy person.
I told him I wanted to know what was making him soooo
fucking unhappy.

Of course he denied initally that there was anything wrong. Which is what he always does.He always says he is FINE.

Then when we got down to it he let me know all the things that bother him.
Holy fuckin shit.
We really are two totally different people.
I know the day before a trip was probably the worst fucking time to have a dead serious convo, but I felt it was necessary.
Yes, I know that we have different back grounds.
Two complete opposite ways of being raised.
but I had no idea that we were this far off.

I won't bore you with all the shit that makes us different.
However, I will tell you that money is a big one.

and in our household it is a major fucking problem.

The sportsman is so fucking anal about money, that things that should be fun are not.

I have a real hard time getting him to look outside the box on things.
Due to the way he was raised.
and the type of person he is.
I am totally a type A personality.
As you can guess he is NOT.

I'm a GO GO GO kinda chick. The sportsman, not so much.
Fuck, So anyways I'm totally getting off topic here.

So in the discussion I say that when we get back from our vacation I want us to go to counsoling.
Which he replies "no fucking way".
Well now. Didn't see that one coming. 
What man doesnt want to work on his marriage?
I know deep down that is not why he doesn't want to go. It again is more about money. and sharing personal shit with a stranger.
Guess we are not the same on that either.
SO
As you can guess, I spent the rest of the day crying.
 At some point I told him I was not going on the trip to just cancel it.
I did not say it in those nice or words either.

In the end I went anyways.
and
The trip turned out fine. (ok better than fine)
There was even some decent sex a couple of times.
and
By decent I mean shower sex where he got off. I was slightly turned on, but knowing I wasnt going to get anything out of it I kinda have learned to just shut down, zone out whatever you wanna call it and ride it out till hes done.
Pathetic I know.
I have so much potential to be a freaky wild chick in bed.

So now that we are back home, I don't know where things are going.
What direction.
We did have fun.
I'm worried that there may be too much damage done.

Funny how me cheating wasn't even one of the things that came up that we argued about.
Just fucking MONEY.

2 more years and the soccerboy will be out of school.

Where will WE be in two years?


Not so sure it will be together.
Is that what I want?
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