For today's second
Motherhood Monday post, I'd love to talk about new
fatherhood. On the three-hour drive home from the beach this weekend,
Alex and I started talking about parenthood, and he revealed a few funny and surprising thoughts on our first year with a baby. Here were his eight revelations, in his own words...
1. "I didn't bond with the baby right away."The experience of fatherhood is thrilling, but so hard at the same time. I loved Toby from
the second I saw him. But the first few months, to be honest, were pure adjustment. The baby is so helpless, and you're so clueless, and you don’t have that strong chemical, hormonal and emotional bond with the child, in the same way the mother does.
You spend the first six months of your baby's life cramming this giant rule book. You have to learn everything—how to hold the baby, how to swaddle, how to change a diaper. I had never played with dolls or even babysat, so it was totally, totally new.
I did enjoy it--it was a fascinating odyssey and deeply satisfying--but, secretly, at the same time, if Joanna had walked in and said, "My mom's going to take over for the next month," I would have been thrilled.
2. "Time alone with the baby was surprisingly profound."Even though I felt so lost overall, I was surprised by how spending time alone with Toby felt natural and surprisingly not scary. I remember the very first night we had Toby at home. Joanna was in bed, and I had four hours alone with him. He was sleeping in the bassinet next to me, and started to stir. I realized that he had never heard music before and that I got to pick out the first song he'd ever hear. I felt like I had a hand in shaping his destiny. Choosing a song on iTunes suddenly felt profound! I decided on "Penny Lane" by The Beatles. It was bright and optimistic, like the first day of spring. It was a magical moment.
3. “My wife acted a little like she was on drugs.”Up until you have a baby, whatever happens, you and your wife pretty much respond the same way. You're on the same wavelength. But once the baby arrives, every thing that happens, your wife has a 90-degree different take.
Joanna's highs were higher, and her lows were lower. Her general joyfulness was so high; she was starry-eyed and
blissed out. On the flip side, she was more anxious. She was more inclined to take any negative thing to heart—such as Toby fussing while we changed his diaper. I figured his fussing was a small, unfortunate but inevitable thing, but it felt incredibly urgent to Joanna. She got really upset by his crying—for her, it was like an alarm clock was going off inside her. She had an extreme surge of anxiety at any possible sign of disturbance to Toby, whereas I would address his crying but it wouldn't bother me on an emotional level. I just thought, Oh, all babies cry, he'll be ok.
It's like being with someone on drugs. You're on a different plane. You look at your wife, and you have to imagine, 'What exactly are you feeling? How does the world look to you right now?' Then you have to figure out how to respond the way she would want.
Everything does come back down to earth again. Your wife no longer feels those extreme surges at both ends of the emotional spectrum and becomes more like her old self (which is a relief to her, too), and you get more acclimated and feel like your old self. By about month nine, we found ourselves settling back into our old rhythms and feeling like ourselves again (see below:).
4. "I was nervous that my wife would like the baby better."Maybe it sounds crazy, but a great fear I always had about having children was that my future wife might like them better. In many of my friends’ families growing up, the husband was basically replaced by the kids. There's nothing more primal than the love between mother and infant. I was absolutely worried about being dropped a notch.
Once
Joanna was putting Toby to bed and I heard her tell him, "You're my favorite person in the whole world, do you know that?" and I was thinking, 'Really? What about me?' It sounds ridiculous, but it was an adjustment not to be the only man in her life. But in the end, I saw that our marriage could never be replaced by a baby—it's such a different thing. That realization was a huge relief.
5. “Children's books are boring.”I love
spending time with Toby, especially when we go on walks or play the guitar. But some baby activities are s-l-o-w. Many women seem to have a tremendous capacity to step outside themselves and see things through the baby's eyes, like
reading children's books. But to me, children's books are fundamentally boring. Like, mind-numbing. The Very Hungry Caterpillar is tough sledding.
6. “Everything turned a corner at nine months."I once heard a theory that babies are inside the womb for nine months, but that they're remain in the gestational period outside the womb for the next nine months.
Everything changed when Toby was nine months old. One day, Toby didn't seem to know who I was (or care!). But the next evening, I got home from work, and
Toby was eating dinner in the high chair, and he looked up at me and smiled and shrieked and did jazz hands. He recognized me! It was amazing. I felt like we had truly connected. Honestly, for the first time, he didn't only feel like my baby, but like my
son.
7. “I daydream about the future with Toby.”I often daydream about Toby growing up: listening to music, taking him on boats, teaching him how to cook a great omelet, telling stories about "the old days." I always picture us on hikes for some reason—even though I don't really go on many hikes. My father and I used to sit around for hours some nights and plan my future, and I love the idea of being on the other side of that conversation. I also look forward to imparting lessons that my dad didn't give me—like how to ask out women.
8. “I'm ready for another.”With your first baby, it's really tough. Every day is a surprise. But now I know that I can do it. Raising a child for the first 12 months of their life is a skill I now have. Having a second baby? Believe it or not, I can't wait. :)
Thank you, Alexei! My lovelies, do you think own dads had to adjust to having children? Fellow mamas, did your husbands immediately take to new parenthood, or did they find the transition tricky? Have they said anything about the experience? If you're a guy, what are your thoughts on fatherhood? I would love to hear... xoxoSource URL: https://juffryjeanses.blogspot.com/search/label/photographyVisit juffry jean for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
How many of these candy bars can you identify? (I can see Snickers and Payday, that's about it!) They look delicious.
My darlings, want to hear a fascinating little etiquette tip? When you're introducing someone, you should always say their name first and their relationship to you second.
My dears, I'm looking for a top-notch editorial intern for Cup of Jo this fall (to help with the juggle). Do you know anyone who might be interested? 
My sweets, what are your plans for this weekend? This afternoon I'm getting a massage! It was my Mother's Day present, and I'm finally going. I'm soooo excited. (Have you ever tried one of these?) Hope you guys have a great weekend, and here are a few fun posts from around the web...
and polka-dot.
Have you ever been to Denmark? These beautiful vintage photos are from Denmark's national library. (Fun fact: Some of the photos were staged. The photographer wanted to give people a happy escape from the unemployment, despair and depression in the 1930s and 1940s.)
My lovelies, what are your plans for the weekend? This evening, Alex, Toby and I will be flying across the Atlantic Ocean to this little village in Cornwall, to visit my grandmother, aunts, uncles, dad, brother, sister and cousins. We're sooooo excited to swim in the freezing cold water and eat Cornish pasties all day. :) Next week, I'm happy to have some amazing guest bloggers writing openly about family, marriage, work and life. (Alex and I have loved their posts so much, we've talked about them for hours, no joke!) Anyway, have a wonderful weekend, and here are a great few posts from around the web...
Isn't this photo of a dancing couple lovely? The print would look beautiful framed (or wrapped up with a red bow as a wedding present).Source URL: https://juffryjeanses.blogspot.com/search/label/photography
Oh my goodness, this news story made my eyes pop: West Village pet shops have banned "drunken puppy buying." In the evenings, tipsy passersby stumble home from neighborhood bars, fall in love with puppies in the shop windows and drunkenly buy them...only to wake up the next morning and realize that they have a new puppy! Isn't that crazy?
At our friend's cabin upstate, Toby loved the friendly grown-ups and wanted to be in the middle of the action at all times. But Alex and I could only chase him around and keep him from falling off the dock for so long, so the sling turned out to be a perfect way to keep him happy and immersed. Here, we're fishing with friends--it was the first time for both Toby and me! (We caught nothing:)
(The only catch is that it makes it tricky to drink a pre-dinner PBR.)
This weekend, we joined some friends at a lakefront cabin, an hour north of Manhattan. Every evening, after Toby fell asleep, Alex and I would sit on the dock, drinking white wine (my favorite) and chatting about nothing in particular. It was so beautiful and peaceful. I want to beam myself back there right now. xo
Oh my goodness, how gorgeous are these dramatic eyebrows? When I saw these stunning photos of Oscar de la Renta's recent runway show, my jaw dropped. Makeup artists often insist that eyebrows are the most important part of your look, since they frame your face and can make your eyes look bigger and make your face look younger. Wouldn't you love to recreate these sexy bold brows for a night out?
German photographer Anna Skladmann's portrait series features children of the new Russian elite. "They live in a secluded world," says Skladmann, who spent years befriending and photographing the little ones. "Their parents are attempting to make up for the Soviet times--they only want the best for their children. They receive private language lessons; they go swimming or play tennis. The lives of these children are very planned and regimented." This interview and these slideshow captions are fascinating.
Happy Fourth of July! Hope you had a wonderful, relaxing, firework-y weekend. xoxo
Photos of Norway and Paris to add some wanderlust to your morning. Where would you like to go right now, if you could go anywhere?
For today's second Motherhood Monday post, I'd love to talk about new fatherhood. On the three-hour drive home from the beach this weekend, Alex and I started talking about parenthood, and he revealed a few funny and surprising thoughts on our first year with a baby. Here were his eight revelations, in his own words...
My darlings, what are you up to this weekend? We're heading to East Hampton! I've never been before, but apparently it's beautiful and sceney and fun. We're staying with some friends in a house in the woods. I'm looking forward to grilling burgers and dipping my toes in the waves but not going in too far because I'm a wuss. :) Hope you have a wonderful weekend, and in the meantime, here are a few great posts from around the web... xo
(Photos by The Morning Train; illustration by CICLE)Source URL: https://juffryjeanses.blogspot.com/search/label/photography
My lovelies, today is the first official day of summer! Do you have any fun plans for the season? Or anything you're wishing for?
My lovelies, what are you up to this weekend? Alex, Toby and I are planning to hit up the Brooklyn Flea tomorrow on the awesome new ferry that connects Manhattan and Brooklyn! We're also hoping to stop by our favorite beer garden for sausages and mustard, if Toby is in the mood to chill at a table. :) Hope you have a wonderful weekend, and in the meantime, here are a few great posts from around the web this week...
Dear Photograph,
Dear Photograph,
Dear Photograph,
Dear Photograph,
German artist Uli Westphal started noticing how lawfully enforced standards of agriculture made every lemon, lime and tomato look exactly the same. "The complete absence of botanical anomalies in our supermarkets has caused us to regard the consistency of produce there as natural," he wrote. So, he went to Berlin farmer's markets and photographed a dazzling array of fruits and vegetables, in an effort to document the "last survivors of biological variety." I had no idea!
